I haven't really gotten around to posting a proper journal in a while, not since before May I guess, I guess a quick update of things that have changed, well the big thing should be obvious, I no longer work with Dawn on art, she sort of posts her own things on another profile when she wants (though she will post here if she ever does abdl work) but that is why I no longer type my name before the start of comments anymore. It should also be obvious by the lack of human work, or even pony work.
I don't know what to do now.
On my own, I can create the ponies you have seen lately, but this is a more complicated then it has to be, process that I use to make them, and I still haven't figured out how I want them to look. Something is always wrong; the body is too long, it's too fat, the back legs are too wide, the legs are too tall, the head is bigger then normal, along with a longer neck (these last 2 things I have been fine with, except I don't know if others like it or not). The hardest part about just trying to figure out how I want my ponies to look, is that I am trying to do my own thing, I don't know what other works I can just look at for inspiration, without just thinking to myself (oh that style is so much cuter, I should just do that instead) and getting feedback is becoming constantly harder, I no longer really have people on skype who I can just run my stuff by, getting their opinions on what looks good or not, and how I can make it better. So I don't know how I really want my ponies to look, and that basically means, I am never going to get around to making new poses, getting different angles, because I can't even perfect the standing side base.
After all that, is it even worth trying to do this? Interest in ponies has seem to really decrease, and I am constantly reminded about how much people want humans instead. Going to other sites, I am lured into the idea of getting a commission, only for those people to tell me they want me to draw a human, because despite me telling them the situation, saying I can't make humans, they are convinced I must just have confidence issues that they can some how magically fix. It's for that reason that I have deleted almost all of the old gallery images, and still tempted to just get rid of the last human works (though I really don't want to), I am not happy about working on ponies either, I always preferred human work, but if no one else really wants ponies either, should I really be trying to get interest in it?
To top that off, I want to expand beyond just doing MLP characters, I love Scootaloo, RD, AJ and AB, they all make for fun situations and stories, but I want to try characters from South Park, but if I am limited to ponies, does that mean I will never be able to make that interesting enough? ABDLs and bronies alike, seem to never be that big a fan of South Park, and the recent images I have posted, barely make it to 200 views normally, and I know that is mostly due to them all just being the same pose and image, not really showing of a characters personality, or telling something of a story like the stuff I used to work on, but will that change when I do go back to that stuff, if I continue to use non MLP characters?
I have talked to a lot of people, each just giving me the same sort of responses; "Do what makes you happy" "make art for yourself, not for others" "if you enjoy art, continue it, if you don't, then stop", people telling me to either continue working on art, or to just stop if it makes me this depressed, but the big thing about all of them, is they never actually get to know me. It always feels like they are just giving me the response they feel like they are supposed to, not because they know me and give me a response based on that. In truth, I would just rather someone tell me why they selfishly want me to do something or not, because at least then I know it's an honest response coming from a true want, not just someone telling me something because they think it's what I need to hear.
I don't really care if I do keep going with art or not, I have never thought of myself as an artist, I just liked to design characters (most of the time, based on people so I can put them in stories) to make awesome outfit designs, and to try and tell a story. The part I always did enjoy, was sharing this with others, I didn't work on art because I just felt like sharing what my creativity could make, but because I wanted to make others happy in a way, I wanted to make others respond, for someone to see an image or read part of a story I put in a description, and start daydreaming their own story based on that.
I don't know what I should do, should I keep trying to tell stories, even if I am limited to ponies? Should I just go back to MLP characters only, though my interest in them is low without a big MLP fan constantly getting me excited about that stuff? Should I just stop trying to make art at all, since human work is what most people want? Should I keep this profile open, trying to make stuff to upload to here, even though I hate working on my own, not because I need someone else to do the work, but just because sharing with others is what always kept me going?
Sorry for the rather long post, I guess I have just kind of had some less then great days lately. (Though at least my Birthday went well )